I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
