i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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