Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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