so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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