i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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