Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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