I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
