just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
