escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
