Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
