i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize