Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
