Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
