How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
