I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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