He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
