420 ftw
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
