the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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