I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
