I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
