Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
