Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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