Need sex. Gaining weight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
