dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
