grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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