Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize