Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
