my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
