just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
