I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
