Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't like sucking hair
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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