New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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