There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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