I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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