Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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