Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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