I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
