you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
