i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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