Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
