Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
