I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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