i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
