I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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