awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
