it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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