I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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