yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
