I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
