Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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