Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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