Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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