can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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