ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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