oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
