Just cropdusted the office
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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