Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
