I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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