I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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