Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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