Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize