Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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