It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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