1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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