I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
