he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk is not a location!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
