In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
