you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize