Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
