You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
