im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
