Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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